


Half Light

by katlynwtf



Category: Naruto, Naruto Shippuden
Genre: Angst, Drinking, M/M, Mistakes Are Made, Smut, Unrequited Love, there are regrets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-15
Updated: 2017-08-15
Packaged: 2018-12-15 15:47:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11809149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katlynwtf/pseuds/katlynwtf
Summary: It starts with a funeral and a bottle of sake.





	Half Light

**Author's Note:**

> So this was inspired by a prompt I did for a 3 sentence fic on tumblr ([here](https://shiranuigenma.tumblr.com/post/162912698627/koteizu-and-we-should-have-known-better-but-we)).
> 
> Prompt: "we should have known better but we did the thing anyway and can't blame anyone but ourselves" -anon

It starts with a funeral and a bottle of sake.

Dangerous missions are not the norm for Izumo and Kotetsu - they're only chunin, after all, paper pushers, used to a quiet life of boredom and safety behind a desk. They never expected to find themselves chasing down the Akatsuki, never thought that they would come so close to death, never would have dreamed they would see the great Asuma Sarutobi fall... But they had, and there's no going back.

Izumo can't say he's surprised when he and Kotetsu find their way to the bar after the funeral. Wracked with grief and guilt, it's the only thing that makes sense, the only way he can think of to even _begin_  to try and cope with such unimaginable loss. He knows he should be used to this by now - as a shinobi, he is no stranger to burying his comrades, but this one is different. This one he had witnessed.

This one is devastating, and the look in Kotetsu's eyes, downcast and haunted, tells him his best friend feels the same.

He wants to reach across the table, steady Kotetsu's shaking hand, try to offer some small form of comfort, but he can't quite bring himself to do it. Instead, he just sits there, grip tightening on his cup of sake until he's sure it might shatter in his hand, desperately wishing he could turn back the clock. He would give anything to erase that pain from Kotetsu's face.

It's not until they're stumbling home through the darkening streets, Kotetsu's cheeks flushed and bandage slipping from his nose to reveal a smattering of freckles the color of cinnamon, arm thrown over Izumo's shoulders, that he allows himself to touch, to curl his arm around Kotetsu's waist, letting his hand rest gingerly against his friend's hip. If Kotetsu notices his hesitation, the way Izumo looks anywhere but at him, he doesn't say anything, and for that small mercy he is grateful.

They reach the door to their apartment before either utters a word, and even then it's only Kotetsu quietly asking for the keys, taking them and fitting what is thankfully the right one into the lock with trembling hands. Then they're stepping into the living room, and suddenly Izumo is struck by just how close Kotetsu is, still pressed against his side, arm warm and heavy across his shoulders.

The words he has been holding back for most of his life leap unbidden to the tip of his tongue, nearly spilling out between his lips before he can remember why it’s such a bad idea to say them. He bites them back just in time, though, and for another night, Kotetsu will be none the wiser.

Izumo doesn’t know how much longer he can do this, though - when there is space between them, it’s easy to pretend he isn’t in love with his best friend, but with Kotetsu this close, he can barely even remember to breathe, let alone pretend the proximity isn’t having a profound effect on him. He’s not just beside him, he’s surrounding him; the heat of his body and his intoxicating scent wrap around him like a cocoon, and the tired, drunk smile he’s giving him right now... oh gods, that smile is imprinted on his soul, burned into him like a brand.

A day may come where he doesn’t remember his own name, but he will never forget that smile. That smile is as much a part of him as how he feels about the man wearing it.

“You’re staring, ‘Zumo,” Kotetsu mumbles, and Izumo snaps back to himself, feeling heat rise in his cheeks as he meets the other man’s eyes. He fumbles for an excuse, any excuse, but suddenly Kotetsu leans in, tip of his nose brushing Izumo’s as he stares at him through slightly narrowed eyes. He’s unfazed by how close he is, but Izumo’s heart is racing and his mouth is dry.

“Kotetsu?” Izumo stammers, fingers involuntarily clenching around the Kotetsu’s shirt as he shifts closer, the arm not slung around Izumo’s shoulders settling around his waist. “What-”

“I’m going to kiss you,” Kotetsu declares, pronouncing each word slowly and clearly, and Izumo’s mind short-circuits.

Kotetsu pauses, giving him a moment to voice any protests, and when he gives none, angles his head down and meets Izumo in a soft, deliberate kiss. His lips are dry and a little chapped, but soft, softer than Izumo had expected, and when Kotetsu deepens the kiss, his tongue dipping between Izumo’s slightly parted lips, Izumo is sure his heart might literally burst from his chest.

Izumo inhales sharply when Kotetsu breaks the kiss, afraid to open his eyes and look at his best friend. He’s trembling, he realizes, but whether it’s from fear or the haze of sake heavy on his mind and body, he doesn’t know. He exhales slowly when Kotetsu’s fingers comb through his hair, and suddenly the world, which feels like it’s spinning erratically around him, stills when the other man kisses him again.

Kotetsu tugs at Izumo’s shirt, or maybe it’s Izumo tugging at Kotetsu’s, but then Izumo stumbles, nearly tripping as he kicks his feet free of his pants, and then his mattress is beneath him - he has no idea how they made it to the bedroom, no idea of anything really as Kotetsu finds the sensitive spot where his shoulder meets his neck with his mouth. The gentle graze of his teeth makes him moan, and Kotetsu takes it as an invitation to mark him, sucking and nipping at the sensitive skin.

There are hands everywhere - Izumo’s hands, Kotetsu’s hands - desperately touching and stroking and grabbing, nails biting into flesh and dragging, pleasure that just borders on pain. Izumo moans again as Kotetsu grinds down against him, the friction of his pants and his body as agonizing as it is wonderful.

His fingers twist in Kotetsu’s hair as he kisses him again, holding him there, unable to get enough of the warm taste of his best friend’s mouth. Kotetsu lets him, and when they break apart again, gasping for breath, Kotetsu resumes his assault on Izumo’s neck, shifting slightly to help Izumo push his pants from his hips.

Izumo can’t resist brushing Kotetsu’s wild hair back from his forehead, hands resting on either side of his head. Kotetsu draws back at the touch, a questioning look in his eyes as he meets Izumo’s, but Izumo can only stare, enraptured by the disheveled man before him.

_You’re beautiful,_  he wants to say, but finds himself choking on the words.

Instead, he kisses him again.

He could kiss him like this forever, but there’s something else they both need more.

“Roll over,” Kotetsu gasps against his mouth as they break for air, and Izumo is quick to oblige, turning his head to watch Kotetsu reach for the bedside table drawer, pulling out the bottle of lube. He briefly wonders how Kotetsu knew it was there, but finds he doesn’t really care as the bottle clicks open - he lets out a strangled cry, thick with desperate desire, at the first slick touch of Kotetsu’s finger, circling his tight, puckered hole gently for a moment before pushing in to the second knuckle.

It’s not his first time, but it’s been so long that the intrusion is uncomfortable, and he shifts, trying to ease the sudden spark of pain without alerting Kotetsu - he needs this too much for Kotetsu to stop because Izumo is a little uncomfortable. But whether he notices or not, he is still gentle with Izumo, leaning forward to pepper soft kisses across his back as he slowly and carefully stretches him with his fingers, taking his time before adding a second, and eventually a third, and by the time he withdraws his fingers and goes up on his knees behind him, Izumo is gasping and begging, pain forgotten.

Kotetsu’s fingers dig into Izumo’s hips as he slowly thrusts into him, exhaling softly as he bottoms out, stilling to allow Izumo a moment to adjust before pulling back again, just as slow. He maintains that pace until Izumo squirms back against him, unable to form the words to tell him what he wants but hoping Kotetsu gets the message all the same.

_More_ , he’s silently begging, pushing back against Kotetsu’s hips. _Oh gods, I need more_.

And Kotetsu gives.

Izumo shudders, muffling a breathless cry in the pillow as Kotetsu’s hips snap against his ass, fingernails biting deep, bloody crescents into his hips as he increases his pace, thrusting hard and wild as he chases his release, and for a while, the only sounds in the room are their heavy breathing mingled with choked moans and the slap of sweat-slick skin. Izumo shifts, propping himself up on one elbow and twisting slightly to look back at Kotetsu, watching his eyes widen when he notices Izumo reaching down to palm his own cock - he didn’t seem to have expected that, and Izumo feels a twinge of satisfaction at having managed to surprise him.

He resists the urge to cry Kotetsu’s name as he comes, but Kotetsu has no such reservations, and the sight of him coming unraveled with Izumo’s name on his lips, his head falling back and rutting frantically against Izumo, is absolutely mesmerizing. He can’t tear his eyes away, even as Kotetsu pulls out and gets unsteadily to his feet, stumbling slightly as he makes his way to the bathroom.

The door shutting pulls Izumo from his trance, and he forces himself to get up, to find an old towel to clean up with and a fresh set of sheets. He’s just finished getting the bed ready when Kotetsu comes back out - he half expects him to get dressed and leave, but instead he crashes face-first onto the mattress, mumbling for Izumo to hurry up.

He gets ready for bed as quickly as he can, and Kotetsu cracks his eyes open as Izumo crawls into bed beside him. Neither of them say a word, and after a moment Kotetsu wraps his arm around Izumo, pulling him to his chest.

Izumo falls asleep to the steady sound of Kotetsu’s heartbeat in his ear.

\---

Izumo wakes far earlier than intended to the bed shifting and a waft of cold air at his back. He rolls to find Kotetsu sitting on the edge of the bed, dimly illuminated by the weak half-light of dawn filtering through the thin curtains with his head in his hands. He turns when Izumo touches his back... but he can’t quite meet his eyes.

There’s something about the look in Kotetsu’s guarded eyes that makes Izumo realize what a terrible mistake they’ve made in assuming what happened last night was in any way a good idea. In fact, what they had done was a terrible idea, a stupid and irreversible mistake.

It doesn’t matter that it was all Izumo had ever wanted, that it was all that he thought about at night when he was all alone with nothing but his hand to keep him company. He feels ashamed and helpless as Kotetsu shrugs off his hand and gets to his feet, silently gathering his clothes and beginning to dress. Even as drunk as they were, they should have known better. They should have known how this would end, should have known there was no way to take it back once it had happened... but through the haze of sake and the sweet warmth of Kotetsu’s mouth against his, Izumo had lost all capacity for rational thought, and because of it, he is about to lose his best friend.

He doesn’t know if he can handle that - losing his best friend. Kotetsu is all he has left, everyone else is gone. He doesn’t know how to live without him.

The worst part is, he knows he has no one to blame but himself for what had happened last night and what they were about to lose because of it. Yes, Kotetsu had made the decision to kiss him, but Izumo had let him. He had let his feelings cloud his judgement, and as he finds his eyes drawn to the tense line of his best friend’s shoulders and the unnatural stiffness of his spine as he opens the door and walks out, he hates himself for letting it happen.

He has broken the only thing that has ever meant anything to him, and he knows that there is absolutely nothing he can do to fix it.

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Naruto and all recognizable characters belong to Kishimoto. Title comes from a Banners song of the same name.


End file.
